A conflict about falling in love

Stop being a martyr. It’s been four years. How can you say you no longer have that love-walli feeling for me?

But I don’t. I never did. It was just a compromise and you know that. After AG, nobody has ever made me feel that way. I don’t want to be in this relationship. I feel so stifled.

Is that so?


Then so be it.

With that ended yet another messy chapter in my life. Yes, it’s been so many years. But there hasn’t been anyone else who makes me feel that way. Who makes me want to love and fall in love again and again.

I’ve lost my job, I’ve lost a seemingly right relationship and nothing seems to be going right. I just hope I get through that advertising agency I applied to. Time seems to be going just so slowly when you need it to run…just wish I saw AG for that one last time. I wouldn’t have held on to him with such fervour then.

The phone rings and interrupts my thoughts. They want yet another interview. Tch! How many more rounds, I thought.

Yes ok. I’ll be there at 2.30.

After yet another uninteresting meeting, where I needed to sound excited and happening, I got my offer letter. A measly increase but I need to start working now before I plunge myself into the sea of self-remorse.

Ok. I’ll be there from the first of next month. Yes, I will submit my documents before. Thank you for the opportunity, Sirs!

First day at work. Disinterested I go about learning the little bit I’m taught by an inept colleague. My boss is on leave today. His boss decides to take over and introduces me to the office and I go about saying my hello’s and introducing myself. It’s a Monday morning and the agency gathers around to plan the week ahead. I attend in amusement and dismiss all the disorganised others trying to wheeze their jobs in an already packed creative schedule. After many ‘pleases’ and ‘it has to get done this week’ most of the jobs are in place.

And then he walks in.

For a moment I thought my heart skipped a beat. Was I staring too hard? Or was the clickity clack sound of his shoes enough to attract attention. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t focus on what was happening? As if every other sound in the room automatically dulled out and I could just hear my heart beating really loud and the sound of his shoes. He came and sat at the head of the table in the opposite end and observed the proceedings while playing with his cigarette stick. I quickly adjusted my vision to my feet below the table. Staring hard at them till I didn’t regain some strength to not look at my right again. By the time I looked up the meeting was over and he had already walked out. Who was he? Whoever he was, I needed to stay away. I couldn’t feel like this about anyone. No, I couldn’t fall in love again. But those eyes, that swagger…sigh!

Three days into work and I had managed to avoid any kind of contact with the mystical man. On the fourth day, I was to meet the head of creative for my induction into their world. I just prayed it wasn’t him. But since when did my prayers get answered.

I consciously walked into his room and introduced myself. Focus, Nikki, focus. You need to hear him out not stare at his deep brown eyes. He will know in a jiffy. What seemed like immediately after he asked me if I had any questions, I said no and left quickly. Anshuman Goyal, the best creative mind Delhi ever had; a certified womaniser with a drop-dead gorgeous smile and childlike innocent eyes.

What was I getting into? I must avoid him and that’s for sure. He’s not my AG so what if their initials matched and they share the same birthdate. Yes, I googled him enough to know all of this. God, why me, why him and why now! I cursed under my breath.

For some reason, I began watching his every move in office. Tried to get as much gossip. Which wasn’t difficult since everyone just spoke about his escapades. Even then why was I so drawn to him. He seemed just perfect. I even contemplated changing my job. But something about him just didn’t make me leave. I now started looking for excuses to talk to him and soon we were working on a big project together. A biscuit launch.


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